Andy Todd
My made-up life: tall tales and short stories
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“Hands touching hands” Since 1999 the Boston Red Sox have played Neil Diamond’s classic Sweet Caroline during every game at Fenway Park. “Reachin’ out” The sing-along song has become such a Fenway staple that the Red Sox turn off the sound during the most popular parts as fans know the words off by heart. “Touchin’ [...]

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A comment on the Scottish Comedy Forum today in response to whether it is right or not to tell a rape joke: Ignoring the politics of whether it is right to tell a rape joke, I believe anything can be funny regardless of subject matter. Equally, anything can be offensive. A chicken can cross a road 99 time out [...]

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  Ding dong the witch is… <censored>. The BBC said today (Friday 12 April) that they will not play the Margaret Thatcher protest song “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead” in the chart show on Sunday. Instead, they will play ‘a clip of the track within a journalistic environment’. Which sounds harsh but can only [...]

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It’s been claimed that Queen of The South is the only professional football team mentioned in the Bible. You can find the reference in Mathew 12:42: “The queen of the south shall rise up in the judgment with this generation, and shall condemn it”. But although many claim this is the only football reference, in [...]

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Today David Cameron warned that the only thing standing between Scotland and a nuclear strike from North Korea was Trident. Which is true. Because it’s not like Scotland and North Korea are separated by half the planet; 5,000 miles and an 11 hour flight time. It’s not like North Korea could fire a nuclear weapon [...]

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There are certain moments in life I can remember vividly even though I’m not convinced they actually happened – like the time I saw Celtic’s Slovak superstar Lubo Moravcik trap a ball with his bum. (Which is not as kinky as it first sounds). I can’t remember who Celtic were playing, I do remember it [...]

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Eff the bankers, right? The world went to pot when the bankers lost the plot and lost all our cash. Bankers? Wankers? Well, no… Before you blame bankers, stop and ask yourself this – if the banking crisis started because the banks ran out of cash, where did all the cash go? It’s not like [...]

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9/11 was a bummer. Not only did we lose two planes we also lost two qualified pilots. What a waste. But pessimists only talk about ‘The Tragedy of The Towers’. Which was significant, I give you that. The War On Terror; Islamaphobia; Gary: Tank Commander. What a horrible legacy. But I’m an optimist, and when [...]