Andy Todd
My made-up life: tall tales and short stories
It’s Carrion Doctors
Categories: Opinion, Tall Tale

It’s strange. For most people, if you say ‘banker’ their first thought is ‘wanker’. But, if you say it to a student, and if they are honest, they’ll immediately think ‘excellent graduate recruitment scheme’.

Nothing changes opinions like the promise of riches and the fast track to success.

But, tell people you are a doctor and most will think you a member of a noble profession. You save lives. You cure the lame. You, my friend, are a hero and a saint!

Yet bankers are wankers when all they did was lose our money, why do we say nothing to the doctors who lost my Gran, my Grandad and my Uncle Joe?

Robbers bankers deserve our contempt but medical murderers get our… respect!?

It’s not right! Doctors are <expletive deleted>!

I’m dyslexic, words and letters tumble in front of my eyes like a small child swirling a large bowl of alphabetty spaghetti. While dyslexia makes me really good at anagrams, I curse the doctors who named this condition. I shouldn’t have ‘dyslexia’. I should have a large cross; or a smiley face; or any mark I can actually read, write and spell.

I also have a ‘stutter’. A word I cannot hope to say. And I’ll be blue in the face before I can say hypoxia.

Doctors are <expletive deleted>!

If you still don’t believe me – the average wage of an investment banker in London is £83,000, the average wage of your local friendly GP is £110,000. The only reason bankers are greedy is to try and keep up with the Dr Joneses.

Yet our NHS is the still the envy of the world.

In the US, President Obama last month won crucial backing for his Obamacare against fierce opposition from the American right.

Only in America would half the country fight the other half over the right to have free healthcare. “What do they want? A cure for cancer, for nothing?! They must be commie bastards!”

Remember the US is a country where the American Right believe the Government should not interfere with the rights of individuals, while, at the very same time, promoting every law they can to ban gay marriage.

“What do we want?”

“The Government to butt out of our lives!”

“When do we want it?”

“After we’ve stopped the gays!”

And, if you are still on the fence, then consider this final thought: why did the doctors go on strike last month? Was it to highlight the postcode lottery of medical treatment that allocates life saving drugs by whether your local hospital can afford the chemist’s fee after its paid back it’s crippling PFI debts? Was it to campaign for cleaner hospitals to prevent patients dying of flesh eating bugs that a decent scrub with a yellow cloth, marigolds and large bottle of Mr Muscle could have prevented? No. They wanted a pension that would pay them as much as a cabinet minister. They wanted to retire with more money per year than the combined income of four families on the national minimum wage. In short, they don’t want to work, but they still want to live like bankers!

I say: F**k ‘em! F**k ‘em with their stainless steel stethoscopes!



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